


Inertia

by Orange_hill



Series: Utopia [1]
Category: NCT (Band), SuperM (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Repressed, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Minor Character Death, Moving On, Porn with Feelings, References to Depression, Self-Acceptance, Shameless Smut, Smut, Sorry had to kill poor Jongin off, Therapy, mentioned once
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:00:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22893688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Orange_hill/pseuds/Orange_hill
Summary: Jaehyun and Taeyong turn from 'friends with benefits' to 'lovers' but not without having to experience the ups and downs that life has to offer. Their's was a love that's meant to be.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong, Kim Jongin | Kai/Lee Taeyong
Series: Utopia [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1651981
Comments: 14
Kudos: 104





	Inertia

The jealousy is irrational. He knows better than anyone that what he has with Taeyong is fleeting and superficial. What they derive from each other is physical gratification and nothing beyond that. And the more he reminds himself of that vital detail, the better. But it's difficult. It's oh so difficult not to think about putting Kai's head through a wall as he drapes an arm around Taeyong's shoulder and pulls him into a proper hug.

  
  


"Whoa! Someone's not having it today." Johnny slides in next to Jaehyun, swaying a champagne flute in his face hoping to distract him.

  
  


"Don't you have someone else to annoy? Like maybe that pint sized twink you were cozying up to just now." Comes his reply as he swats the hand away, his eyes focusing on Taeyong again seeing him doubled over in his weirdly adorable 'windshield wiper' laughter. On any other occasion, Jaehyun would have admired the scene like a love sick fool but now, knowing he isn't the reason behind it, he feels his blood boil.

  
  


"Ten is busy bartending while my best friend here is sulking over his fuck buddy paying attention to someone other than him. What do you think?"

  
  


"I think you're wrong." He vehemently denies but Johnny knows better.

  
  


"No. I think I hit the nail on the head. You're jealous of Kai hitting on Taeyong. Period." Friendship with Johnathan has its privileges. Like trusting him with the deepest of his secrets. But he can be an insensitive prick sometimes when he leverages those confidential pieces of information as the need arises. And Jaehyun is fucking livid of the fact that he is right. He doesn't have any right over Taeyong and no control over him seeing someone else who can give him something he can’t.

  
  


These convenient casual encounters began when Jaehyun proposed the idea of them being friends with benefits. Taeyong being the campus sweetheart could have had anyone he wished for, yet he was down for the idea since the attraction was mutual. No strings attached. That's what they both had agreed upon. But somewhere down the line, the boundaries they set faded away, for Jaehyun at least.

  
  


These days he seethes when he sees people touch Taeyong, caress his hair, hug him. Even so much as others breathing in his direction irks him. He figures this is not healthy. Hell nothing about this fucked up arrangement was healthy in the first place. He thinks he needs this to stop, for the sake of his own sanity. But a part of him craves for Taeyong, to touch him in ways only he can, to feel those lips on his own, to hear those whimpers of pleasure as he fucks him into the mattress. He realizes belatedly that he is desperate for Taeyong and that he doesn't want to lose this....whatever this is, no matter how sick this is.

  
  


He helplessly watches them both dancing and twirling around one another and tries to keep his anger in check so he doesn't cause a scene. He feels a hand clap his back, snapping him back to reality.

  
  


"End this. This has gone far too long." He hears Johnny say. He had it coming.

  
  


"I don't think I can do that."

  
  


"Then what? You love him or something?" 

  
  


"I don't....."

  
  


"Sure.....whatever floats your boat."

  
  


"You have a problem with me?" It's not everyday that Johnny gets under his skin, just sometimes when he is annoyingly condescending and tells him off like he is his dad or something.

  
  


"I have a problem with you two running around in circles like clowns. But whatever....don't come crying to me when you get your heart broken." As he finishes his champagne, he grips Jaehyun's arm a tad too tightly asserting his gaze.

  
  


"You're not doing him or yourself any favors. You either own up to your feelings or let him go.."

  
  


Jaehyun gulps down the remainder of his drink and reels from the stinging burn it leaves in his throat. Just one night. He allows himself one more night before he accepts the harsh truth and lets Taeyong go.

  
  


That night he gazes at Taeyong like he is his entire world. He holds him firmly that his fingers leave indents in his flushed skin and kisses him like he is swallowing him whole. He burns the image of Taeyong writhing underneath him into his retina, his brain, in every fibre of his being. This is it, the end of their escapades. He doesn't quite frankly know where he goes from here or what he's gonna do once he sees Taeyong exit the front door never to reappear. 

  
  


The first rays of the sun peek through the curtains as he wakes up. He blindly grapples for the warm body that was laying beside him last night but comes up empty handed. Like a movie on rewind, his mind replays everything that happened last night down to the last detail. With a groan, he sits up on the bed and finds Taeyong standing at the doorway dressed in his own clothes, not Jaehyun's as he usually is after a rough night.

  
  


"Good morning." Taeyong walks over to his bedside in two long strides and sits beside him. Jaehyun's throat immediately dries up at the sight because Taeyong looks so soft and beautiful in the warm sunlight that he is almost having second thoughts about this. If only they were something more so Jaehyun could just stare and admire his beauty without ever getting tired of it.

  
  


"I thought you left." He says,

  
  


"I was thinking of leaving. But I assumed we needed to talk. So I stayed till you woke up."

  
  


Taeyong is highly perceptive and that's a fact Jaehyun should remind himself of every time he is read like an open book. He props himself up against the headboard. His mind is wiped clean and his mouth fails to form words to speak.

  
  


"I think it's about time we stop this. Don't you?" He finally says it out loud. He isn't surprised by the fact that Taeyong is completely understanding but not before a brief look of hurt crosses his features. It's fleeting but it's there like a dull nagging headache. There is a pause that drags longer than it should before Taeyong speaks again.

  
  


"Frankly I knew this would happen. Just surprised that it lasted this long." With that said, Taeyong prepares to leave. All the while Jaehyun's head hangs low, shoulders slumped in defeat and unwilling to look at Taeyong.

  
  


"I am sorry." It sounds pathetic. Taeyong didn't deserve this farce. Someone as kind hearted as him deserves an honest and a legitimate relationship. And Jaehyun knows that he isn't the person who can give him that. He is just too messed up for commitment.

  
  


"Hey there is no need to apologize." His voice sounds so gentle and warm. Jaehyun lifts his head and finally gets a glimpse of Taeyong who has his hands intertwined with his. How can anyone be this understanding? This kind? He knows he has used and exploited Taeyong for his own selfish needs. Yet Taeyong has never asked for anything in return.

  
  


"I'll see you around Jae." Taeyong says. Jaehyun scrambles for words to say before he exits from his house, possibly from his life as well. He dresses up at the speed of lightning and offers him breakfast. It is the least he could do.

  
  


"Don't be silly. I have an early morning class today, remember." Taeyong says.

  
  


"Ya I guess...I'll drive you to your dorm then." He insists.

  
  


"Jaehyun! Really. I can take care. Please stop beating yourself up over this." As Jaehyun stands at the threshold, Taeyong hesitates just a little bit. A little shy and apprehensive.

  
  


"I...uh....can I hug you?" Comes the request in his breathy voice. Honestly who is Jaehyun to deny such a simple wish? He hugs him without a proper reply, just pulls him by the hand and hugs him tight. And when he lets go, he sees Taeyong's solemn smile as he turns around and leaves. It stirs a dull ache in his heart that Jaehyun has to shut the door and look away even before Taeyong has long disappeared from his line of sight. And the days that follow this sudden parting is when Jaehyun self destructs.

  
  


There is little to say when someone is just too far gone that there is nothing left to salvage. He doesn't know when things started going south, when he started doing things out of spite or when everything in his life seemed forced. It's been months since his affair with Taeyong ended and he was almost certain that his misplaced affection faded away into nothing. That is until he sees Taeyong arm in arm with Kai at the campus grounds.

  
  


He recently caught wind of their relationship and almost everyone is raving about them being the 'perfect couple' that at this point it just sickens him. He knows he is not entitled to be jealous and he knows Taeyong is free to date anyone he likes. There is just all these 'ifs' and 'buts' that cloud his rationale. He's tried dating different people as a means of nurturing his heartbreak and it does nothing but make matters worse. It doesn't make his longing for Taeyong any less painful. Drowning in alcohol provides his much needed respite until hangover slaps him in the face the next day.

  
  


It's one of those days when he prefers sleeping on one of the back benches at the library to listening to dragging lectures all day. A hand delicately rouses him from his afternoon nap. Cracking an eye open, the sun still too bright outside, he sees a face, bespectacled, gorgeous with a very distracting mole at the left corner of his lips. They haven't had a decent interaction besides exchanging little greetings every now and then after that fateful day yet Jaehyun has memorized Taeyong to his tiniest detail to notice him from miles away.

  
  


"Hi there. Had a rough night?" As he comes to and he sees Taeyong clearly, he suddenly becomes aware of his own severe lack of self preservation. He probably looks like some vagabond scavenging for food or something along those lines sitting next to Taeyong.

  
  


"Yeah.....kinda.." He fixes his scruffy collar and tidies himself up as best as he can all while Taeyong sits beside him and observes him from behind those round wire rimmed glasses.  _ Damn those glasses! _

  
  


"You know Jae...finals are coming up and you really should be studying instead of partying every other day." It is a genuine advice from someone concerned for his well being but it rubs him the wrong way.  _ What right does he have to be worrying about him? Does he even know how much he affects him? He means nothing Jaehyun _ .  _ This means nothing _ . He lets all this negativity swirling around in his brain cloud his reasoning.

  
  


“Taeyong please. Save it for your boyfriend. I can take care of myself just fine.” Before he can stop himself, he says it out loud not only to Taeyong but to the entire library. There are not many people around to see this altercation but it does put Taeyong in a tight spot.

  
  


“Jae…..please. I just ....” He doesnt get to finish before Jaehyun storms out and leaves him hanging. 

  
  


And instead of being mature adults, they avoid each other like the plague, though not entirely since they are pretty much in the same friends’ circle. Coming across each other is inevitable but it's safe to say that they’ve become quite estranged. They fight for petty reasons and basically wait for an opportunity to get under each others’ skin thereby giving their friends a hard time. 

  
  


“What the fuck is your problem?” One day Taeyong screams at him in frustration. The lecture hall is empty and Taeyong’s been waiting for the perfect chance to confront Jaehyun concerning everything that’s been spiralling down around them.

  
  


“I don't know maybe your whole presence is my fucking problem. Now just leave me be.” 

  
  


“That doesn’t make any fucking sense. And I am not leaving until you give me an answer.”

  
  


“Don’t push it Taeyong. I am serious.” He seethes. This hatred that’s been snowballing since God knows when isn’t one that’s directed at Taeyong, it’s one that’s been culminating since he came to terms with his own uselessness and inability to own up to his feelings. Inevitably this has led to Taeyong ending up with Kai and Jaehyun ending up with a heart that’s broken beyond repair.

  
  


“Oh I am pushing you now? You know what, I think I know just why you're acting like this.” A taunt so uncharacteristic of Taeyong hits him full force.

  
  


“Tch. Yeah right.” He scoffs it off and refuses to acknowledge his bruised ego.

  
  


“You’re riled up about the fact that I didn’t come crawling back to you right? Well let me remind you if you’ve forgotten how it all started Jung Jaehyun.  _ You  _ wanted this in the first place. And  _ you  _ ended everything.” Jaehyun doesn’t expect this as Taeyong catches him completely off guard with his allegations.

  
  


“And you expect me to follow you around like a puppy begging to be taken back?” He refuses to back down.

  
  


“Shut up.”

  
  


“You thought I would be all alone and miserable like you? You thought I wouldn’t find someone who sincerely loves me, didn’t you?” 

  
  


He expects Jaehyun to bite back with something. Instead Taeyong gets the wind knocked out of his lungs just as Jaehyun drives him up the wall and pins him to it making it difficult to escape. He squirms in his hold thrashing around and yelling at him to let go. Jaehyun doesn’t let up.

  
  


“Just shut up. You think you have the right to lecture me? I’d rather be alone all my life than be with a whore like you.” He deals the final blow and steps back to look at Taeyong. Instant regret is what he feels. All the colour has drained from Taeyong's face, his eyes rapidly filling up with tears. This isn’t what he wants. Hurting Taeyong, sweet beautiful Taeyong is the last thing he wants.

  
  


_ What have I done? _

  
  


_ Why did I say that? _

  
  


_ Taeyong….I am sorry _

  
  


_ I love you and….I am sorry _

  
  


“That was a low blow Jung! Even for you.” Taeyong’s voice shakes, his tears run freely down his cheeks and his knuckles turn white with how tightly he’s balled them up into fists.

  
  


“I can’t believe I fell for someone like you!” He screams and Jaehyun is shell shocked by the revelation. He stands stock still, his mind racing with the onslaught of thoughts.

  
  


“I regret having agreed to this. God! Why did I agree to this?”

  
  


_ What? _

  
  


“I can’t believe you thought of me this way. I sleep around? Tell me one person I’ve fucked around with that’s not you all those months ago! Tell me!” The anguish rolling off of Taeyong at this point numbs him to his core.

  
  


“Why? Why didn’t you say anything?” Jaehyun’s voice sounds breathless and raspy and pathetic at this point.

  
  


“You’re asking me why? I thought you made your point clear when you said you wanted us to be nothing more than ‘fuck buddies’.” Jaehyun belatedly realizes that he brought this ruin upon himself. 

  
  


“I didn’t want feelings to be involved because I thought it wouldn’t be fair to you. Besides I was positive that what I was feeling was one-sided.” Taeyong continues delivering blows after blows and Jaehyun just takes them all without retaliation.  _ He thought it was one-sided? He was in love with me? _

  
  


“So I buried them deep down that day when you said you no longer want to continue.”

  
  


_ Please no...that’s enough! _

  
  


“I mean why would you? I was just getting my hopes up like a fool!” He laughs bitterly and furiously wipes away the steady stream of tears.

  
  


_ No you’re wrong Taeyong! I love you. I still love you. _

  
  


_ Say it. Fucking say it! Goddamn it! _

  
  


“There was a time when I thought that there was a chance. That I had a chance.”

  
  


“But today everything became clear to me. You said you hated my presence, called me names. This is what I get for being fucking considerate!” The pitch of his voice rising with every word he says has Jaehyun paralyzed. Petrified. 

  
  


“Take that back Jaehyun! What you said….take it back!” His frail fist connects with Jaehyun’s jaw and he reels from the impact almost immediately. It’s been mostly a war of words between them up until this point. This time neither one of them is pulling punches, quite literally. The fight gets so out of control that their friends intervene to extricate the two out of each others’ chokehold. In the end they are lucky enough to be let off with a warning from the Dean, simply because they are two of his brightest students.

  
  


In the grand scheme of things, Jaehyun thinks that maybe it’s better things turned out the way they did. Maybe this is what he needs. Some bad blood between them may just make him strong enough to let go of his feelings once and for all.

  
  


The finals roll in sooner than expected and it momentarily distracts Jaehyun from his issue with Taeyong. Everyone looks worse for wear. Some confine themselves to the four walls of their dorm rooms, only heading out to eat just so they dont pass out in the middle of taking their exams while some keep surviving on coffee and instant ramen. Surprisingly, amidst all the drama of last year, Jaehyun and his friends pass their exams and to no one’s surprise, Taeyong aces it and becomes the valedictorian by default.

  
  


Very soon graduation day rolls by and with it comes the inevitability of farewells. Taeyong gives his valedictory address and the crowd is positively enraptured by his charm. He takes his place beside Kai in one of the front row seats as he climbs down the podium. Jaehyun doesn’t fail to notice them holding hands as the ceremony comes to a close. And with it a whole chapter of his life comes to a close. He lays his lingering affections towards Taeyong to rest hoping they won't ever resurrect.

  
  


Later that evening, Taeyong’s eyes find Jaehyun in the sea of people at the venue. He comes closer to congratulate him and takes his hand in his, a warm smile brightening his face. It completely erases the bitterness and animosity that they’ve been harboring for the past year in an instant.

  
  


“You did it Jaehyun!” He beams.

  
  


“Yeah I had my doubts. Not gonna lie.” Jaehyun replies with a chuckle. An awkward silence prevails before Taeyong speaks again.

  
  


“Uh Jae…I am sorry. For everything that’s happened. If it’s not too much to ask I’d like for us to be friends again.” It comes off as a plea rather than a request. But Jaehyun is so very afraid to tread those treacherous waters again. To feel those feelings without ever having to commit to them because all he does is ultimately hurt the person involved including himself.

  
  


“Tae….I...I can’t. And please….its not your fault. It’s just me being an asshole. Trust me.”

  
  


“Jaehyun no. It's my fault too as much as it's yours.”

  
  


“We’ve both said too much way out of line. There’s no way we can go back.” These are Jaehyun’s parting words to someone who not only brought out the best in him but also his worst over the span of a couple of years. It’s reasonable enough that Taeyong ends up agreeing with him. Their roads have diverged a long time ago that they’ve both lost sight of each other.

  
  


“Besides you won’t ever see my ugly mug after today. So…”

  
  


“Why?” Taeyong’s tone is solemn but Jaehyun reassures him that it’s nothing to worry about. 

  
  


“I am heading off to Virginia tomorrow. Thinking of taking up Business Administration you know….furthering my dad’s business.”

  
  


“That’s wonderful. I am happy for you.” 

  
  


“Are you now?” He doesn’t want to sound too optimistic about going abroad since he will end up missing home anyway. He just hopes it won’t be as bad as he’d imagined.

  
  


“I am.” Taeyong elbows his arm.

  
  


“Seriously though when are you and Kai gonna get hitched? Now that will be news for your fans to sink their teeth into.” He’s gotta admit that he’s least bothered about what happens with Kai at this point but he makes it sound like he cares. Taeyong doesn’t answer him right away, only showing his ring finger with a rather bashful look in his eyes. And Jaehyun finally gets the reason behind the loving gazes and hush-hush whispers all evening because he sees a bright platinum band with the most stunning diamond in the center sitting snug around Taeyong’s dainty finger.

  
  


“Oh...I guess you are all set then!”

  
  


“He proposed to me last night while we….”Jaehyun holds up a finger to stop him midway.

  
  


“No need for details. You’re engaged and that’s the end of that.”

  
  


“Won’t you say you’re happy for me too?”

  
  


Jaehyun doesn’t know what to think. They’re at crossroads now with little to no hope of ever meeting in the future. It’s not like he’s gonna be there to see them get married. He’s going to be cutting off all sorts of contact with Taeyong so why does it matter?  _ Why would his opinions matter to Taeyong? _

  
  


“I am. Can’t you say how happy I am?” He lies.

  
  


“I guess..”

  
  


“Alright. I must get going now.” It’s his final goodbye to the most wonderful human that he met at the wrong place, at the wrong time.

  
  


“Hey give me a hug!” Taeyong insists even at the last minute.

  
  


“You’re really making it hard for me you know.” Shoving his hands into his pockets he tries to back out of Taeyong’s thin outstretched arms. He gets nothing but a glare in his direction.

  
  


“Oh just come and give me a hug you pansy!”

  
  


“Fuck! Fine….here you go.” The hug is tight as he feels Taeyong’s hands rubbing up and down his back.

  
  


“Please don’t say something like ‘I’ll miss you’ or some shit! Please!” He pleads as they let go of each other.

  
  


“Ok I won’t! Jeez!”

  
  


He sees Kai approaching from behind Taeyong and quickly sets a safe distance between them.

  
  


“Tae we should be leaving soon.” Kai says holding Taeyong tightly by the waist all while glaring at Jaehyun.  _ Tch protective asshole! _ Is what Jaehyun thinks.

  
  


“Oh sure. I guess this is it!”

  
  


“This is it!”

  
  


“Goodbye Jaehyun. I wish you well.”

  
  


“Goodbye Taeyong. Likewise.” He sees Kai literally whisk Taeyong away like the perfect prince he is.  _ Perfect prince...yeah right _ . That was what Jaehyun was called as well based on what he looked like and how he carried himself in public. Little do they know that he was anything but that. Till the end.

  
  


But he still makes living his life worth it. Somehow. Virginia is as unforgiving and unapologetic as Seoul was. He literally had to run from pillar to post to get things moving during the first few months of his stay. In this foreign land the only bright side was that he knew how to get by with his limited English that he has managed to perfect in a brief span of time. He’s completed his Masters in Business Administration with flying colors and joins a reputed firm for an internship. It turns out that his father expects him to gain some real world experience before taking over the family business. And so he does what’s expected of him. It’s a boring nine to six job. He doesn’t have much of a social life outside of work and strictly practises celibacy, for lack of better words. He is very much attractive and does get hit on on more occasions than one but he refuses to give in, politely turning them down.

  
  


He doesn’t complain though. It’s what he’s grown accustomed to in Virginia and he likes to keep it that way. The only one he’s in contact with from his old friends’ circle is Johnny who updates him about the happenings in Seoul. He half expects something about Taeyong as he gets these snippets from back home. Anything.  _ How he is doing. What he is doing _ . It's wishful thinking.

  
  


He does admit that his mind tends to wander sometimes. He thinks back to those days when all he did in college was stare at this beautiful boy who didn’t really talk much and would always sit alone at the farthest bench in the lecture hall. Life seemed so simple and straightforward then until his twisted brain came up with the idea of being ‘friends with benefits’ with the one and only person he’s ever loved to this day, the one person he hoped to have a future with. To this day, there is nothing Jaehyun regrets more than hurting Taeyong the way he did all those years ago. Perhaps it's karma that he remains single even now. Unable to love and unable to move on.

  
  


Homesickness is something that comes and goes. It just tends to get worse when he is sleep deprived or when he misses hearty home-cooked meals. With lingering thoughts of his hometown, he goes to work that day only to be informed of the most tragic news in the form of his grandmother’s passing. Jaehyun’s whole world shifts in its axis then. He was quite fond of his grandmother. She was probably the only one of his blood relatives he’s shared genuine feelings with and now he just feels lost. He requests for an extended emergency leave from work and leaves for Seoul first thing the next morning. 

  
  


His flight arrives earlier than scheduled. He’s missed the city in all its glory that he gets choked up the moment he exits the airport. Hailing a cab home, he mentally prepares himself for the onslaught of emotions.

  
  


His house looks pretty much the same except for a few rearrangements here and there. It's been five years since he’s left for Virginia, towards greener pastures. It’s been five years since he’s abandoned the old reckless Jaehyun to lead a reclusive life in the States.

  
  


Johnny, Doyoung and a few others come to see him the moment they hear the news. The funeral takes place the next day as his grandmother is put to eternal sleep. As he sees the casket getting lowered into the pit, he completely falls apart in Johnny’s arms. He feels empty and lost. This is not what he hoped to come home to after years of being away. And it takes days for him to recover from his loss but his friends do keep him company through the worst part even though they’re not obligated to.

  
  


Eventually he does get back up on his feet but is not quite ready to head back to work. He pleads with the HR to give him an extension. He is happy that it gets approved albeit after much convincing. He spends time catching up with friends and family. He gets to know of Johnny’s engagement to Ten, the petite Thai guy from back in college. Doyoung’s an established lawyer and is currently dating his colleague named Kim Jungwoo.

  
  


“I wonder what happened to Taeyong though.” Johnny says out of the blue.

  
  


“Wait a sec. So no one knows anything about Taeyong?” Jaehyun is truly surprised.

  
  


“Nope. He just up and disappeared on all of us after getting married to Kai.” Doyoung adds.

  
  


If this is the universe’s way of telling him to give up then Jaehyun will gladly take this as a sign. There’s no way that anything is worth rekindling even if he stumbles upon Taeyong on the streets of Seoul by any chance. He’s moved on and happily married to someone who loves him wholeheartedly. And it's high time that Jaehyun gets this through his thick skull.

  
  


Time flies soon. It's been two weeks since his arrival, three more weeks left before he heads back to Virginia. And all he’s been doing is sit at home, go through mails, answer some of them and help out his dad with his business. He figures he might as well make himself useful while he is here. He later realizes that he’s cooped up too much at home so he decides to take a stroll outside and get reacquainted with the neighbourhood. A lot has changed. There is a children’s park and even a coffee shop nearby.

  
  


Taking a seat on one of the benches he relaxes as he watches little kids running around. A ball comes rolling towards him and comes to a stop next to his feet. Seconds later, a boy probably around five years of age approaches him for it.

  
  


“Here you go kid.” He gently ruffles the mop of black hair after handing over the ball to him.

  
  


“Kenta!” A voice calls out for the boy and Jaehyun’s heart almost leaps out of his chest when he notices who it is. Hair dyed a candy pink hue, skin flushed from the wintry air, sparkling doe eyes, pink pouty lips letting out small puffs of air. It’s Taeyong. Jaehyun has a million thoughts flashing across his brain right now that it’s hard to concentrate on the person in front of him. He is in every sense, a character that’s jumped out of a manga.

  
  


Meanwhile Taeyong is shocked to see Jaehyun after so many years as well. Seriously. What were the odds of them running into each other at the neighbourhood park of all places? Which reminds Jaehyun of what Johnny and Doyoung said earlier. If Taeyong was here all along, why weren’t they able to locate him at all?

  
  


“Jaehyun. Hi.” His voice evokes a certain emotion that Jaehyun thinks he's long since buried deep within himself, one that he’s sworn never to revisit. It's there again. His longing for the gorgeous man.

  
  


“Taeyong. It's been a long time.” 

  
  


“So..uh...wow...didn’t think I would meet you like this! Candy floss hair and everything!”

  
  


“Yeah. Didn’t think we would meet...like...ever! And shut up. You’ve seen me in worse hair colors than this!” It is true though. Nothing could ever beat the loud neon green hair he sported throughout a major portion of his sophomore year. Thank God he has the face to pull off something that outrageous. He giggles and Jaehyun swears he wants to hear more of that melodious sound. The little boy runs towards Taeyong holding his hand while looking up at him.

  
  


“That’s your kid?” He doesn’t want to pry. Taeyong probably has one more at home waiting for him since he’s always loved children. He’s married.  _ He’s married. He’s someone else’s.  _ His brain happily supplies.

  
  


“Ha ha...No. This is my cousin’s son. Say hi Kenta!” He urges and the kid complies. He is no doubt adorable like his uncle.

  
  


“My cousin’s come down from Japan for the holidays so I am taking care of this rascal for the time being. I swear he keeps me on my feet all the time.” Taeyong heaves a bit and lifts Kenta up in his arms and Jaehyun is yet to witness a scene more wholesome and domestic than this. They both decide to pass time in the coffee shop nearby.

  
  


“So what brings you here? Are you visiting?” Taeyong begins.

  
  


“Yeah...no...I mean...my grandmother passed away recently so I had to…” He replies.

  
  


“Oh my God. I am terribly sorry for your loss.” Jaehyun waves his hands to get rid of the sudden graveness to the atmosphere.

  
  


“It’s ok. She didn’t die of any illness. Just weak from old age.” He says,

  
  


“I see. So how is it going with you there?”

  
  


“It’s going great to be quite honest.” He lies through his teeth. Nothing about going abroad was peachy. 

  
  


“What about you?” He asks.

  
  


“Oh I am working as a graphic designer. You know multimedia, motion graphics and all that paraphernalia.” Taeyong has always had a creative mind. He would doodle stuff on the walls of his dorm room, on his newly bought pants, sneakers, hats, t-shirts, you name it, almost to the point where he was thinking of launching his own clothing line and trying his hand in fashion. Jaehyun couldn’t agree more with his choice of profession. Graphic designing is so Taeyong in so many ways.

  
  


They have small talk over some coffee and milkshakes. Kenta busies himself with a small plate of fries as they catch up. Jaehyun doesn’t fail to notice the gleaming diamond ring constantly reminding him of Taeyong’s nuptial.

  
  


“So Johnny and Doyoung were telling me that they had no idea where you were when you were here all along. Not that I want to pry but am I missing something here? It’s not like you to cut off all ties with our friends.” He says. He wants to hear it from Taeyong himself.

  
  


“A lot’s happened in these five years Jaehyun. I am just laying low for the time being.” Taeyong has a far off look in his eyes that confuses him. He wonders what has transpired while he was away, for Taeyong to isolate himself.  _ Did he come down with some grave illness? Is Kai not treating him well? Trouble in paradise. _ Jaehyun’s mind comes up with all sorts of scenarios that could justify Taeyong’s decision.

  
  


“Anyway it’s getting late. I better get going. Come on Kenta.” The little boy clutches his bright pink ball and follows his uncle.

  
  


He waves them both goodbye and watches them leave and wonders what the universe was thinking when it led to this fateful encounter today. So he decides to make the most of it as he rushes to catch up to Taeyong before he disappears for good.

  
  


“Taeyong.” He calls out, a bit winded from the little run to the exit. Taeyong turns around.

  
  


“Can….can I have your number? If it’s not too much to ask?”

  
  


“Sure. Why not?” And the same otherworldly smile graces his delicate features. Jaehyun finds himself smiling back in response. It’s been years since he’s felt this happy. They exchange contacts and walk away with renewed ties and happy smiles.

  
  


A week passes by with them constantly texting each other. Taeyong lets him know that his cousin’s gone back to Japan so he’s pretty much bored all the time. Jaehyun asks him whether Kai is too busy to pay any attention to him. It is a good natured jibe, completely harmless but it gets ignored by Taeyong as he doesn’t reply for a good few minutes. Jaehyun tells him that he’s heading back to Virginia in two weeks and that they really need a reunion of sorts with all their friends. 

  
  


An opportunity comes knocking on his door in the form of Johnny’s bachelor’s party the following weekend. Taeyong asks him if Johnny would be ok with him popping up out of nowhere after ghosting them for five whole years. Jaehyun reassures him that everything would be fine as long as he says ‘yes’. Initially there is some resistance from Taeyong but after much convincing he  _ finally  _ yields.

  
  


The much awaited weekend arrives. Johnny’s apartment is decked up for the perfect bachelor’s party with drinks and everything. But Jaehyun is shaking so much in anticipation that Johnny has to consider slipping something in his drink to calm him down.

  
  


“Dude are you ok? You’re more excited for my marriage than I am!” The doorbell rings and everyone stills. They aren’t expecting anyone in particular since everyone is accounted for. Johnny hopes to find out who it is from the peephole but all he sees is a mess of pink fluffy something. He opens the door anyway and sees a petite young male in a simple tee, baby blue cardigan and jeans waving at him. 

  
  


“Uh..hi there. Is there room for one more?” Taeyong shyly asks him. Jaehyun is beaming at him from behind Johnny, urging him to let him in.

  
  


“I’m assuming  _ you  _ have something to do with this.” Johnny says looking at Jaehyun who wordlessly nods his head in agreement. And then he turns to Taeyong.

  
  


“You have some explaining to do little man!”

  
  


“I...am...sorry??” He pouts.

  
  


“Nuh uh that ain’t workin’ on me no more. You think you can get in here with nothing more than 'sorry’.” Johnny tries to sound intimidating but everyone knows he’s anything but that.

  
  


“Johnny..I am sorry.” The pout intensifies. Johnny starts to break a sweat near his eyebrows and gets KO-ed by the sheer force of Taeyong’s legendary pout and puppy eyes. Everyone welcomes him with open arms that he’s suddenly overwhelmed by the reception. He wonders why he didn’t bother getting in touch with his friends again and lived in complete seclusion till now. He’s missed this so much and he has only Jaehyun to thank for.

  
  


“So you’re telling me you were here all along within a 3 KM radius and none of us knew of your existence? Which hole did you crawl into?” Doyoung yells at him.

  
  


“Stuff happened Doie. Please forgive me.” Taeyong drawls as he downs another shot. He is still pretty much a lightweight when it comes to alcohol. His cheeks are flushed, his eyes are bloodshot and he can’t walk five steps without stumbling.

  
  


“Seriously you’re such a lightweight Taeyong. Why did you come alone?”

  
  


“Yeah why didn’t Kai come with you? The more the merrier!” Johnny, Doyoung and Jaehyun look at him expecting some kind of a response but all he does is give them an empty stare.

  
  


To be honest, Taeyong should have seen this coming from miles away. Afterall, it’s for this very reason that he chose to sever ties with everyone in the first place, to avoid circumstances wherein he needed to answer this one particular question. Jaehyun grows increasingly concerned seeing Taeyong go completely mute as he rushes to his side. Then there is a muffled sob. Tears freefall and the atmosphere suddenly turns frigid.

  
  


“Kai….”

  
  


“Stop asking me about Kai. He’s gone. He’s dead.” They didn’t see this coming...like...at all.  _ Kai is dead? How did this happen? When did this happen? Oh Taeyong... _

  
  


Jaehyun is desperate for answers but he figures this is neither the right place nor the time. He needs to get Taeyong home before he completely breaks down. Right now his cries are heartbreakingly inconsolable even as Johnny and Doyoung hug him and apologize to him.

  
  


“Uh guys I think it’s enough for one night. Come on let’s get you home Taeyong.” Jaehyun offers to take him home. The entire ride is dead silent. Taeyong has calmed down for the most part but he hasn’t said a single word to him and has his eyes firmly set on the buildings and cars that pass them by the whole time.

  
  


“This is it.” Taeyong says as they approach an apartment complex. It’s not that far away from his place after all, Jaehyun notes. He walks him to his doorstep and hesitates at the threshold as Taeyong walks in. 

  
  


“Please come in Jaehyun.” He insists and opens the door wide enough for him to enter.

  
  


“I ..ugh...need to apologize to Johnny. God I am so stupid. What was I thinking?” he rambles on but Jaehyun’s the one feeling utterly miserable. Taeyong shouldn’t be the one to apologize. He basically pestered Taeyong into agreeing to this reunion when he was giving him signals to be left alone all along. He gets it now. Why Taeyong wished to remain distant.

  
  


“Please have a seat Jaehyun. Also sorry I don’t have anything to…”

  
  


“Taeyong it’s fine. You don’t have to.” Taeyong takes the seat across from him and runs his fingers through his hair, silently thinking of ways to explain the ‘situation’ earlier at Johnny’s.

  
  


“Well I guess it’s time I explained what exactly happened.” he begins. His voice is surprisingly steady despite being emotionally charged.

  
  


“You don’t need to explain anything Taeyong.”

  
  


“But I do. I want to. I need to be strong enough and not crumble at every instance this question gets thrown at my face. I can’t go on avoiding people anymore.”

  
  


Jaehyun sits quietly and listens for the next hour and a half as Taeyong unravels what possibly could be the most difficult phase of his life. 

  
  


“It happened not more than three years ago. Kai and I were on our way back home from a date. He was driving and it was great and we had the time of our lives just singing along to random songs on the radio.” He pauses and takes a deep breath while Jaehyun squeezes his hands encouraging him to go on.

  
  


“And then it happened. From out of nowhere, this car came sidetracking us as it overtook and sped away. Kai lost control of the wheel and…”

  
  


“The...the car toppled and veered off the road. I remember this side of my face colliding with the windshield before I blacked out. Dislocated my shoulder, broke a few ribs, scraped this entire side of my face, my arms, legs, back. Kai on the other hand, didn’t survive.”

  
  


“I was in a coma for a couple of days. Didn’t know a thing until I woke up in a daze afterwards. I kept calling for Kai, pleading with the nurses and doctors to let me see him but they wouldn’t let me. And then on the third day they had to break it to me that he bled to death because I was threatening to take my own life holding a loaded vial of morphine.” Jaehyun feels the first few tears escape before they run down in a steady flow. He is sitting here trying to process everything that Taeyong’s been telling him and he still can’t fathom the pain Taeyong went through alone. He silently scoops him up in a tight hug rubbing soothing circles down his back as Taeyong continues to sob.

  
  


“I was desperate. They wouldn’t let me see him Jaehyun. They had to strap me to my bed and sedate me because I had gone completely hysterical.”

  
  


“It’s ok Taeyong…” 

  
  


“I refused to talk, didn’t eat, couldn’t sleep. After his funeral, I pretty much fell apart. I didn’t have the heart to throw the ring away. I felt like I needed a piece of him with me at all times to stay sane.”

  
  


“It was affecting my job. I was given an extended leave of absence from work by my boss and I realized that he was basically throwing subtle hints at me to pack my bags because I couldn’t get my shit together.”

  
  


“I was advised therapy for my chronic depression and eating disorder. It was a painful process trying to get back on my own two feet but I was certain that I was on the road to recovery. Kai’s family was the most supportive. They let me stay with them in Busan till I completed my treatment.”

  
  


“I was jobless for over a year but I realized that wallowing in self pity is gonna take me back to those days when I self destructed. So I powered through, got myself a new apartment here in Seoul even though my family insisted I stay with them. Got a new job and...here I am.”

  
  


Jaehyun lets go of him once he is certain that Taeyong’s calmed down considerably.

  
  


“What happened to that motherfucker who caused the accident?”

  
  


“They tracked him down with the help of CCTV footage. He was slapped with charges of overspeeding, driving under influence and causing civilian casualty and was sentenced to five years.”

  
  


Jaehyun feels an overwhelming sense of pride after listening to how Taeyong didn’t succumb to those dark times. It makes him fall in love with him even more as a person. Although a part of him feels remorseful for not being there for Taeyong when he needed a shoulder to cry on. He shudders at the fact that Taeyong had to go through this all alone.

  
  


“Taeyong I ....I don’t know what to say except how sorry I am. If I had …...had known I would have...God you’re so strong and amazing and I am happy you’re here with me ...I am just glad that you’re here. I really am.” He just doesn’t want to let go of this amazing person from his life ever again. He loves him, yes. And he knows Taeyong is still recovering from his trauma. This time around he wants to help him heal with his unconditional love for the man. Nothing more and nothing less. He just wants to see the old Taeyong again, eyes shining with mirth, all thriving and beautiful. The shrill ring of his phone breaks his train of thought. It is Johnny.

  
  


“Hey Jaehyun. Where are you? How is Taeyong? Is he ok? Tell him I am sorry…” Johnny bombards him with his concerns that he turns the speaker on for fear of rupturing his eardrums.

  
  


“John he is ok. I am at his house right now and he is sitting right beside me.” Taeyong joins in immediately after him.

  
  


“Hey Johnny. I am sorry I ruined your evening. I didn’t mean to drink so much…”

  
  


“Taeyong. You’re so stupid now stop apologizing. It wasn’t your fault ok. I’ll see you at the wedding.” He says,

  
  


“Ok now that it’s settled I believe we’ve had enough drama for one night. I should be heading home now. Talk to you later John.” The call gets cut and Jaehyun gets up to leave. 

  
  


“Jaehyun thank you so much..” Taeyong says as he walks him to the front door.

  
  


“Please don’t embarrass me now. I did nothing. You did everything by yourself and don’t you forget it.” He doesn’t want to admit it but he gets swept away by the blinding smile Taeyong rewards him with. The smile is sincere and heartfelt and Jaehyun’s a weak, weak man.

  
  


“Text me when you get home ok.”

  
  


“Sure thing.” And he leaves with a gentle wave of hand, his heart feeling full, looking forward to seeing Taeyong again.

  
  


As Taeyong said earlier, the road to recovery is a painful process but he makes earnest attempts to open up to people around him, especially to Jaehyun since he’s become somewhat of a constant fixture in his life in the brief span of a week. They even go shopping together for tuxedos to wear for Johnny’s wedding. 

  
  


“What do you think of this?” Taeyong asks holding up a creamy white ensemble.

  
  


“Why don’t you go try it on and see how it fits?” Jaehyun suggests. 

  
  


He waits with bated breath silently hoping that his heart is strong enough to take the full brunt of Taeyong's beauty. But when he sees Taeyong coming out of the fitting room looking every bit the perfect groom his weak, weak heart threatens to burst out of his rib cage. He is left to wonder about the concept of Taeyong being a mere mortal. Because no ordinary human would look that good in a simple white tuxedo. The fit is exceptional and accentuates his slim figure. He is so attractive that even the shopkeeper has difficulty looking away.

  
  


“How do I look?” He expects Jaehyun to say something all while Jaehyun is busy gaping at him like a fish out of water.

  
  


“You...you look fantastic.”  _ You look every bit like the person I want to marry _ , is what he thinks.

  
  


“Well that’s settled. I’ll take this one please.”

  
  


“I’ll pay.” Jaehyun insists.

  
  


“Uh no you’re not…..hey!” Taeyong protests but Jaehyun is faster. He ends up paying for both of their clothes.

  
  


“I can’t believe you tricked me!” He retorts as they’re on their way home.

  
  


“Quit your bellyaching.” 

  
  


He pulls into the driveway and parks his car. Taeyong takes the suit up to his house and waits for Jaehyun to come in.

  
  


"I have something to say." Jaehyun says while Taeyong stops what he's doing to listen to him.

  
  


“Taeyong I am going to Jeju the day after tomorrow.” He says as soon as he comes in. He searches for words to continue and watches Taeyong looking at him expectantly. Would it be ok to ask Taeyong to come with him? It could be like a healing trip for the both of them, an excuse to relax and unwind. But would Taeyong be down for the idea? _ Here goes nothing…. _

  
  


"Oh that's great. What's the occasion?"

  
  


“Would you like to come with me? It's just a week's trip.” He could literally hear the sound of gears turning in Taeyong’s head as he contemplates the situation, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. And once again he feels like smacking himself for putting Taeyong in a spot.

  
  


“I’ll have to think about it Jaehyun.” He says, Oh...

  
  


“Yeah it’s totally cool. You do that...uh...yeah…”

  
  


“What’s with the unplanned visit?” Taeyong asks out of curiosity.

  
  


“Oh it’s not unplanned. Actually I have been trying to renovate my grandmother’s old house there since I got here and it’s almost done so I was gonna go take a look.”

  
  


“I see. That’s nice.”

  
  


“Well I’ll come pick you up at 5 tomorrow. How does that sound?” he asks.

  
  


“Sounds perfect. I’ll see you tomorrow. Good night." That night he sleeps peacefully dreaming about a certain fairy with candy pink hair in a creamy white tuxedo waiting for him at the altar.

  
  


Jaehyun arrives earlier than planned the next day and waits for Taeyong at the parking lot. A few minutes later he sees him approaching, munching on a chocolate bar. His white suit is impeccable and his hair is subtly styled in careless waves to give him the look of a poodle. He sees hints of eyeshadow accentuating the delicate curves of his eyes and his lips are glossy pink. Man he knows how to dress! If it isn’t for the air-conditioning in his car, Jaehyun would be drenched in his perfectly pressed suit.

  
  


“You want one?” He offers one to Jaehyun and he takes it.

  
  


“You look handsome by the way.” The compliment catches him off-guard and he blushes to the tips of his ears. Taeyong giggles in response knowing that Jaehyun’s ears are the most honest parts of his body.

  
  


“Shut up. I look like trash compared to you anyway. And stop laughing.”

  
  


“Aww Jaehyunnie is shy.” Taeyong pulls his cheeks and coos at him like he would a baby.

  
  


“Just eat your damn chocolate.”

  
  


The wedding is picture perfect. Johnny’s fiance looks so tiny beside him but is definitely much livelier and louder than him. As they take their vows, Taeyong chokes up with tears in his eyes.

  
  


_ Till death do us part…  _

  
  


“Are you ok?” Jaehyun asks him as he notices him crying.

  
  


“I am fine. It’s nothing.” He is reminded of his own wedding vows to Kai that he feels overwhelmed by the sudden rush of feelings. Nevertheless he feels happy for the couple and wishes for nothing less than a lifetime’s worth of love and joy in their lives.

  
  


“So I’ve decided.” Taeyong says out of the blue.

  
  


“Huh...decided what?”

  
  


“I’ll come to Jeju with you.” Jaehyun does a double take pretty quick and realizes that Taeyong has indeed agreed to accompany him.

  
  


“That’s….that’s great. Thank you so much Taeyong.” It’s safe to say that both of them were looking forward to their impromptu vacation.

  
  


Jeju is truly a sight for sore eyes. Jaehyun doesn’t remember much about the place as it’s been long since the last time he visited. Taeyong looks like he’s perfectly dressed for the weather and Jaehyun is left to wonder just how it is possible for a person to turn heads wearing nothing but a simple white tee and floral printed shorts. He can be dressed in rags and people would still pay to go see him.

  
  


“I’ve never been to Jeju before. It’s beautiful Jaehyun.” He admits.

  
  


“You haven’t seen the nightlife here Taeyong. You’ll be surprised.”

  
  


“Surprise me then.” He pulls his sunglasses down to look at Jaehyun and that sends a rush of heat down his spine. It’s the same mischievous glint in his eyes and it takes Jaehyun way back to his college days when Taeyong would look sultrily at him while…... _ Hit the brakes deadass! Don't you even go there! _

  
  


It takes an hour to get to the Airbnb they’ve rented. The place is quite cozy, a double bedroom duplex with a living room, kitchen and a balcony overlooking the beach. Taeyong’s bedroom has the most gorgeous view of the beach and he squeals in joy after seeing it with his own eyes. And seeing him happy, Jaehyun feels reassured that this little trip is going to be memorable for both of them. They leisure around for a bit before deciding to go sightseeing. And as Jaehyun rightfully said, the night markets are bustling with people and there are lots of vendors selling their daily produce, little street food stalls selling the most mouthwatering treats. Taeyong is positively enamored by everything that he simply can’t stop jumping on the balls of his feet.

  
  


“So when are we going to see your grandmother’s place?” he asks as he shoves a piece of teokbokki into his mouth.

  
  


“Tomorrow first thing in the morning.” On the way to their place, they buy some groceries upon Taeyong’s insistence. He cooks a simple dinner of stir fried veggies and meat, rice and store bought kimchi. It is hearty and fills up not only Jaehyun’s stomach but his aching heart as well. As he retires to bed, his brain conjures up all sorts of scenarios of how this trip could go wrong. For one, he is afraid his infatuation with Taeyong is gonna get out of hand. Two, he doesn’t know how he’ll have the heart to leave for Virginia once its time. He’s got Taeyong back in his life and it just seems too soon to have to say goodbye. He tosses and turns in his bed and eventually falls asleep after tiring himself out.

  
  


The next day they go to Jaehyun’s grandmother’s house which is quite nearby. And it is absolutely stunning. It’s a villa type house that Taeyong loves so much. Jaehyun feels nostalgic coming to this place after so many years as it carries a lot of sentiment for him personally. He’s spent a good amount of his childhood here with his grandparents and now it feels lifeless without them by his side.

  
  


“This is amazing Jaehyun. Are you sure you’re a marketing graduate? You’ve done a pretty decent job with the renovation!” Taeyong compliments him.

  
  


“A decent job? Well I guess that works too.”

  
  


“I have been thinking of selling this place but now I am having second thoughts.” He adds.

  
  


“Oh really! I mean it’s great that you decided not to. It’d be a shame to give this beautiful place up for sale.” Taeyong says.

  
  


“Yeah well I thought of selling it since both my grandparents passed away but then I realized that my grandmother had written it off to me in her will before she died. So I decided why not renovate it, tweak some stuff here and there and kinda…” He contemplates on saying it without coming off as strong and imposing. But he says it anyway.

  
  


“I...uh thought of moving in here once I get married. If I get married.” Taeyong’s eyes suddenly go wide before his expression turns into one of profound understanding.

  
  


“That’s a great idea Jaehyun. And what do you mean ‘if you get married’? I’m sure you’d meet the one your heart desires one day.”  _ My heart desires just one person and it’s you so would you mind marrying me? Like right now? _

  
  


“Uh aren’t you forgetting about something? It’s me we’re talking about. The one with a disastrous streak as far as commitment goes.”

  
  


“Now don’t tell me you didn’t have any girlfriends back in the States!” Taeyong says and is surprised to see Jaehyun not rebutting him.

  
  


“No way. I can’t believe this.” Taeyong doesn't expect Jaehyun to take offence to this but he does.

  
  


“Just drop it Taeyong.” he shuts him off quite abruptly, walking off and leaving Taeyong behind.

  
  


Taeyong does apologize later but he is not in the right headspace to fully accept it, not wanting to talk about it too. It's an awkward ride back home and his perturbed mind couldn't come up with anything to lift the mood. Taeyong didn't have to rub it in his face, he thinks.

  
  


What was he expecting? That Taeyong of all people would sympathize with him? It takes him back to that fateful day when Taeyong pointed out his inability to love. He thinks he’s forgotten about the entire thing but it seems that what Taeyong said has unknowingly opened up old wounds. He shouldn’t be thinking of it in the first place as he’s come here to bury his past and heal his wounds not produce fresh scars to last a lifetime. 

  
  


They still don't talk after coming back and Jaehyun is somehow thankful that Taeyong's given him some space to cool off.

  
  


After blowing some steam off he comes back inside the living room, only Taeyong is nowhere to be found. And it seems that he’s left his phone on the kitchen countertop. He is left with no choice but to wait till he comes back.  _ Great. This is a fucking disaster. _

  
  


An hour later, Taeyong does come back. With a bag of snacks, no less. He looks surprisingly cheerful.

  
  


“Taeyong...I am sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

  
  


“Save it. We’re gonna have a movie marathon and you don’t get to back out.”

  
  


And so here they are, watching the Harry Potter series with an array of snacks in front of them. Taeyong seems to be awfully into it and so Jaehyun never brings up the topic of their recent spat. The movie marathon kinda keeps their mind preoccupied for sometime before Taeyong starts yawning every five minutes or so. And somewhere between Harry and Hermione parting ways with a beleaguered Ron, Taeyong is completely out cold on his shoulder. He turns the TV off and tries to scoop up the sleeping pile of bones without jostling too much. And he is right. Taeyong is skinny and weighs nothing in his arms. But he is mighty strong. Even stronger than him at certain instances. It's a scary combination.

  
  


He puts him to bed, the duvet upto his waist level. Squatting down, he observes him from up close and he thinks he's not done that in a while. Jaehyun marvels at the power he has over him, the power to make him forget about his worries. Very gently he cards his fingers through the soft pink hair that rests on his forehead. He begins admiring the delicate shadows the soft night light casts on his beautiful face.

  
  


_ God he is...he is so beautiful! _

  
  


His fingers delicately touch the butterfly shaped scar beneath his right eye. It reminds him of the nights they slept together in college as he stayed awake trying to decipher it’s exact shape, finally settling for the shape of a butterfly. He would then trace the raised edges with his fingertips, light as a feather as to not wake him up. That is one memory Jaehyun likes to revisit among the many unpleasant ones.

  
  


He cups the right side of his face and gently skims across the smooth plane till his fingers come to rest near his parted lips. His gaze now rests on the little mole at the corner that entices him to no end. It would be a lie if he says he hasn't thought about Taeyong when he is sexually frustrated. It still remains his dirty little secret. He tries distracting himself from giving in to his desires but all he can think about is kissing Taeyong, of having those lips on his own and reliving all his fantasies. That’s when his mind screeches to a halt and he storms out of Taeyong’s room.

  
  


_ He is not yours Jaehyun… _

  
  


Seems like he’s gonna have to take a really cold shower to relieve some of the accumulated stress. His flushed skin shudders as soon as the water hits him. It’s been a while since he got off and seeing Taeyong’s alluring form earlier as he slept has finally pushed him over the edge tonight.  _ This is pathetic _ , he thinks. Just one look at Taeyong and he’s painfully hard. He jerks off in the shower, his arousal slick in his hands as he picks up pace. To think he’s doing this thinking about the person who is sleeping in the next room makes his skin crawl.

  
  


_ Oh Taeyong... _

  
  


A strangled moan escapes as his lower abs clench signalling his impending release. His breathing becomes shallow as he applies pressure at the tip, hissing in response.

  
  


_ Taeyong….baby…. _

  
  


The pleasure is mind numbing and sends tingles down his spine. The water from the shower pelts his heated skin as he rests his forehead against the cool tiled wall, stroking and squeezing himself until everything becomes unbearable. He cums hard making a mess in the shower. His heart is racing, his brain has short circuited and he realizes he’s still extremely weak willed when it comes to Taeyong. As he goes to bed, tired to the bones, his brain constantly reminds him that there’s still five more days left of this vacation. Suddenly he’s not so thrilled about it anymore.

  
  


The next few days breeze past them as they have the time of their lives exploring various attractions around the island. Taeyong gets a first hand experience at pottery making. He looks like a pro making a near perfect version of the vase made by the instructor making Jaehyun’s look like a mangled clump of clay. What can he say? He doesn’t have an artist’s bone in him.

  
  


“Jeju sure is a paradise for art lovers isn’t it? At every turn you can see someone skillfully crafting fine pieces of art.” Taeyong says as he cradles the vase he made earlier.

  
  


They go trekking on the fourth day of their visit. Now this is Jaehyun’s cup of tea.  _ Any physical activity is Jaehyun’s cup of tea.  _ Taeyong, on the other hand, couldn't keep up as his legs give up on him halfway. Feeling apologetic, he gets emotional at the fact that his legs have weakened considerably since his accident. Jaehyun consoles him and tries to cheer him up. He feels sorry for having put Taeyong through something his body couldn’t handle.

  
  


“Hey look at me. It’s ok. We can go back and rest. How’s that sound?”

  
  


“Bu...But I ruined it for..for you.” Taeyong hiccups.

  
  


“You were...enjoying it so much.”  _ Oh sweet baby….  _ Jaehyun’s heart aches to call him that.

  
  


“Taeyongie….nothing is worth enjoying without you.” Did he just say that out loud? He surprises both himself and Taeyong by the sudden bold statement. Taeyong stills and looks at him wide-eyed.

  
  


“I was feeling tired myself. Haven’t worked out in a while so I think I’m losing my A-game here!” A little white lie doesn’t hurt anyone. And he sees Taeyong crack a smile at him in return so it's all good.

  
  


“You’re so good to me Jaehyunnie.” By now Jaehyun’s lost count of the number of times Taeyong has made him blush like crazy. He piggybacks him down the pathway smiling subconsciously, thinking about the times he’s wanted to do stuff like this with the one he loves. And now he is truly living his dream. When they’re almost at the foot of the mountain, two fingers poke his cheeks from behind.

  
  


“Jaehyunnie dimple boy!” His ears turn crimson red for the umpteenth time that day.

  
  


“Wh...what?”

  
  


“Jaehyunnie peachy boy!” Taeyong coos in a childlike voice and pulls both his ears.

  
  


“Shut up or I’ll drop you!” They head back home giggling all the way.

  
  


The penultimate day is coincidentally Valentine’s Day and it’s when they go shopping for trinkets and souvenirs. Almost every shop in the vicinity is decorated in pink tinsels, hearts and red flowers. Taeyong spots a quaint apothecary in the heart of a shopping district and demands to go see it. The aroma is heady as soon as they enter. There are separate aisles for traditional medicines and dried herbs, essential oils for aromatherapy, scented candles and what not. As Jaehyun skims through the aisle for essential oils, his eyes nearly pop out of their sockets upon reaching a particular section.

  
  


They have an explicitly labelled rack for aphrodisiacs.  _ Jasmine….Rose….Neroli….Clary sage...what the heck!  _ Given his current situation, an aphrodisiac would be the last thing he needs. They buy a few scented candles before leaving.

  
  


“Where do you wanna go for dinner?” While they were on their way back, Jaehyun asks him hoping they can go to some fancy restaurant downtown.

  
  


“We’re having dinner outside?” Taeyong asks incredulously.

  
  


“Uh...aren’t we?” Jaehyun cocks an eyebrow.

  
  


“I was hoping I would make some japchae, maybe some bulgogi since we have some beef lying around in the fridge, maybe some kimchi jjigae with rice….” As Taeyong gets lost in his train of thought, Jaehyun has his own running on a parallel track. He can’t help but notice the homeliness of this entire exchange and it excites him to just think about the endless possibilities. 

  
  


Him coming back home from work…..

  
  


Taeyong welcoming him with food…

  
  


Food on the dining table….

  
  


Taeyong on the dining table….

  
  


Taeyong naked on the dining table….

  
  


His fantasy escalates from family friendly to rated pretty quick and Taeyong barely breathed in his direction. He slaps himself on his head pretty hard and wonders if he’s accidentally sniffed some of the ‘aphrodisiac’ oils from the apothecary.  _ I need a break... _

  
  


“Whoa whoa! That's too much for two people. Are you trying to fatten me up or something?”

  
  


“What if I am?” Taeyong winks at him and Jaehyun is simply at a loss for words.  _ Oh he is flirting with me now? _

  
  


“I’mma have to stop you right there sir. I am not gifted with super crazy metabolism like you to remain thin. See this…” He dramatically pinches his cheeks for effect and Taeyong laughs out loud.

  
  


“This….. is what I like the most about you. So stop whining you big baby!” Taeyong pinches his other cheek while Jaehyun halfheartedly swats his hand away. If the little palpitations in his heart are any indication, Jaehyun is highly perturbed by the simple act of Taeyong pinching his cheeks. He does a good job of masking it so it doesn’t show in his face. He deems a good shower ought to tone things down for him so he does exactly that.

  
  


He didn’t believe it earlier even when Taeyong said that he was making a feast fit for a king. But looking at the spread that’s waiting for him as he makes his way towards the dining table, Jaehyun is stumped. There are little portions of banchan, steamed rice, kimchi jjigae, beef bulgogi, japchae and…...seaweed soup? Jaehyun is rendered speechless. Does this mean that Taeyong remembered his birthday? Still remembers it?

  
  


As if on cue, Taeyong appears in front of him in baby pink pyjamas while having a smug look on his face, probably feeling proud of himself for having thrown the perfect little surprise event for his birthday. All of this takes an emotional toll on Jaehyun. Of course his colleagues have thrown surprise birthday parties for him every year and given him presents but this one just hits him differently. It definitely lacks the grandeur of a typical birthday party, presents, a birthday cake and a whole lot of the noise but none of that could measure up to this, the serenity and the sincerity that it radiates.

  
  


“Well what are you waiting for? Have your soup first birthday boy!” he urges him but Jaehyun is all eyes for him and only him. His soft pink hair framing his doll face goes perfectly well with his pyjamas and he looks absolutely ethereal. Jaehyun’s heart is thundering against his chest. His brain is screaming at him to sweep the angel standing in front of him into his arms and kiss the life out of him. His rapidly waning self restraint could only do so much.

  
  


“You...you remembered?” He stutters.

  
  


“Why wouldn’t I? Your birthday is literally the most celebrated day in the whole wide world! You should be proud!”

  
  


“Taeyong….I...I don’t know what to say.”

  
  


“You don’t have to say anything except eat the food before it gets cold.” Taeyong passes him a bowl for the soup.

  
  


He takes the bowl, filling it with the piping hot translucent liquid before sipping it lightly. It tastes like regular seaweed soup, perfectly homey. The food is exquisite, the beef bulgogi being Jaehyun’s personal favorite.

  
  


“When did you have time for all this?” Jaehyun asks as he takes a bite of the bulgogi.

  
  


“I am used to cooking for a large crowd. Like when Kai’s sisters drop by with their families, it’s just that many hungry stomachs to feed. So it kinda helped me with my time management.” A fond smile plays at his lips at the mention of his late husband and Jaehyun watches it turn melancholic a few seconds later. It’s the first time Taeyong has mentioned Kai since their vacation started. He briefly stops eating.

  
  


“What’s the matter? Feeling full already?” He asks as he sees Jaehyun going still.

  
  


“No…..it’s nothing.” 

  
  


The rest of their dinner is quite lively, littered with lighthearted conversations and shy smiles. “Taeyong thank you so much for the lovely dinner. It means a lot to me that you remembered my birthday after all these years.” He says.

  
  


“Oh come on now! It’s the least I could do.”

  
  


And just when Jaehyun thinks it’s over, Taeyong stops him from leaving.

  
  


“Hey wait! Don’t go yet!”

  
  


“What? Why?” He sees Taeyong run into the kitchen.  _ Should I be worried? What’s he doing in there? _

  
  


“Tae….” 

  
  


“Happy birthday Jaehyunnie!” He pops out of the kitchen holding a chocolate cake with lit candles and everything. Jaehyun’s heart jumps up into his throat at the sudden attack.

  
  


“Taeyong please. Wow! This is too much!”

  
  


“This is just a birthday cake Jaehyun. You seriously thought you’d have a birthday party without a birthday cake?” Taeyong stares at him incredulously while pulling him closer to the cake placed on the table.

  
  


“This is store bought by the way. Sorry but I was pretty much pooped after making dinner." Taeyong has the audacity to apologize when no one else would even care. Forget making his day. This gesture from Taeyong tonight has single handedly made his entire year by far and he’s not even exaggerating. _ What are you doing to me? Stop making me fall even harder for you! _

  
  


Jaehyun is told to blow out the candles while making a wish. Now if it were anyone else he would be rolling his eyes and complaining about it being childish but this is Taeyong. So he gets a pass. He does what he is told. He takes one look at Taeyong before making his wish and cuts the cake.

  
  


_ I wish I could see you smile like this forever…  _ He cuts a piece, holding it up for Taeyong. 

  
  


_ I wish I could be the reason behind your smile from now on…  _ Taeyong takes a big bite and smears a dollop of the ganache on Jaehyun’s dimpled cheeks without preamble, giggling at his shocked expression.

  
  


_ I wish to see you every morning as I wake up…  _ Jaehyun chases him down the hall trying to return the favor as Taeyong runs into his bedroom trying to dodge him.

  
  


_ I wish I could hold you tight in my arms and never let go…  _ “Be a good boy and come here or the bedsheet gets it!” The threat seems to do the trick as Taeyong pleads with him for the life of his spotless bedsheet.

  
  


_ I wish I could kiss you… _ Jaehyun doesn’t let up on his pursuit and lunges for Taeyong as he dashes across his bed. They fall in a heap, breathless, blood furiously rushing through their system. 

  
  


_ I wish you would love me back….  _ Their laughter gradually reduces as they take stock of the situation they’re in, their gazes heavily resting on each other. The atmosphere suddenly turns heady and charged with unresolved feelings.

  
  


_ Taeyong….I wish to make you mine…  _ The last wish slips past his lips unintentionally. He hears Taeyong’s breath hitch as he dips lower transferring the smeared ganache from cheek to cheek and lifts his head just enough to see Taeyong’s closed eyes and parted lips pulling him in. He waits to see if there's resistance. He sees none so he counts his blessings and hopes to God that what he is about to do next doesn't end up being the biggest mistake of his life. He's had enough of screwing things over when it came to his love life. 

  
  


The first touch of their lips is tame, a tad too gentle and cautious. There were no metaphorical sparks flying or electricity coursing through their bodies. Taeyong looks up at him as they part and Jaehyun could discern something akin to longing and want lingering in his beautiful eyes. Taking that as encouragement, he kisses him again and this time he goes unhinged. Taeyong, sweet Taeyong tastes and feels just how he remembers. He's waited too long for this. Suddenly Jaehyun couldn't hold him enough, couldn't kiss him enough so he cages him within the protection of his arms and kisses him like his life depends on it.

  
  


Taeyong moans deeply as Jaehyun's tongue invades his mouth, which seems to turn him on so much that he stops for a few breaths before he's too far gone. 

  
  


"Taeyong….baby...please tell me you don't regret this. Because I don't think…..I don't think I can take it if you do." He is out of breath as he says this. His mind has short circuited and his heart is currently running a marathon. He asks this as he cups Taeyong's face and rests his forehead against his, expecting an honest reply from the one who's splayed underneath.

  
  


"Jaehyun I never regretted anything about you. Not once." He admits holding Jaehyun's forearms in a tight grip.

  
  


"If I had anything to regret or blame, it would be the circumstances under which we met all those years ago." Taeyong smiles at him quite disarmingly stroking the skin of his arms gently with his thumbs.

  
  


"You have no idea how I have longed for this day….baby…” A sob rips from his throat. He doesn’t want to cry but he does out of happiness. 

  
  


“I love you so much Taeyong. I have only ever truly loved you. No one else.” It’s not heat of the moment. It is not forced. It is spontaneous. This confession has been due since five years ago and he finally plucks up courage to say it to Taeyong’s face. 

  
  


“I love you too Jaehyun.”  _ This is the best birthday ever! _

  
  


He kisses those soft lips, swiping his tongue across them to pry them open again. Taeyong emits tiny moans of pleasure as Jaehyun’s hands caress the skin of his neck, gently tilting his head for a better angle. They only stop when their lungs scream for air. Jaehyun’s hands make quick work of popping open the buttons of his pyjama top. He does stop in the middle asking for permission and is glad to notice Taeyong urging him to continue. He sucks in a breath when he sees a few keloid scars littered across his chest. They’re faint and almost unnoticeable but they’re there, forever reminding Taeyong of the worst period of his life. 

  
  


“You...don’t have to see them.” He says trying to cover his exposed chest as best as possible, however Jaehyun stops him.

  
  


“No Tae...please don’t clam up on me now. It’s ok. They’re a part of you now. And I do promise to love every single flaw there is.” He tries to sound as convincing as he possibly can.

  
  


“If it’s any consolation, they make you look more human, more within my reach.” He strokes the hair that’s fallen on his forehead and plants a kiss there. Then moving lower, one on the tip of his nose and his cheeks. He moves lower still and lets the kiss linger a bit longer on his lips. He slides the pyjama top until it falls to the side and leaves a wet trail with his tongue across the sharp jawline. Giving it a few nips, he turns his attention towards the soft and pliant earlobe. Taeyong’s moans grow louder as his hot tongue licks his ear.

  
  


“Jaehyunnie….”

  
  


“What is it Taeyong?” He whispers harshly against his ear urging Taeyong to talk, reveal his greatest desires, instruct Jaehyun just how he wants to be worshipped on this bed.

  
  


“Kiss me more please.” And in that very moment, nothing mattered more to Jaehyun. Tilting Taeyong’s head back, he leaves thorough kisses down his neck, sucking the delicate skin till the tiny blood vessels underneath it pop, spreading a beautiful hue of red. His teeth scrape the prominent collarbones, leaving splotches of red there as well.

  
  


He peppers kisses down his chest as his hands roam around, finding his nipples and rolling them under the pads of his fingers. Taeyong’s mouth falls open in a silent scream when Jaehyun’s mouth closes in on one. Holding his head close to his chest, his back arches off the bed beautifully and falls back down as Jaehyun releases it with a wet pop. Climbing back to his eye level, he gazes lovingly at the love of his life as his pink hair is splayed wildly across the pillows. Taeyong’s eyes are glazed over, his skin flushed beautifully and his lips a distracting shade of red, swollen and glistening as a result of biting them repeatedly to stifle his moans. It blows Jaehyun’s mind sometimes, how someone like Taeyong gets to walk this earth looking as exquisite as he does everyday, making both men and women weak in the knees as they stumble and trip like fools in love. And Jaehyun unabashedly takes pride in acknowledging that he is one of them. 

  
  


“You’re so beautiful Taeyong. How are you even real?” He kisses him again, a bit slow as if he’s savoring every second of it, swallowing Taeyong's mewls as he traces his steps down. Down….until he reaches his flat toned stomach. Now he doesn't want to start ranting in the middle and kill the mood but he wonders why Taeyong's itty bitty waist isn't one of the eight wonders of the world. So very petite and pretty. He runs his tongue across the smooth surface, sucking it at intervals and revels in the sound Taeyong makes as a result. 

  
  


He knows it's coming. Taeyong anticipates the inevitable as soon as he senses Jaehyun stilling and looking up at him. His fingers are hooked onto the waistband of his pyjama trousers, his eyes pleading silently for Taeyong's approval. 

  
  


“Jaehyunnie….let me up.” Taeyong says. With renewed vigour, he kisses him hard on the mouth as Jaehyun’s hands knead his thighs and work their way upwards.

  
  


“God….Taeyong I can’t take it anymore. I need you. I want you so much, you have no idea!” He mumbles against his mouth, their breaths mingling as his fingers brush against Taeyong's erection. Taeyong's breath comes in harsh pants when he does that. He mentally fist pumps into the air after realizing that he has this effect on him. Slowly but surely his hands touch and squeeze him through the fabric of his pants. Taeyong's hips buck into his hands, his moans get louder the harder he squeezes and strokes his length. 

  
  


"Jae….Jaehyunnie please….." Taeyong's voice sounds hurried. It was definitely getting too steamy for comfort. The thin layer of sweat is making his t-shirt cling onto his skin so he removes it in one swift motion, revealing his defined muscles. Taeyong's mouth dries up at the sight of Jaehyun's beautifully toned body. Jaehyun has always been a fitness freak and so it's a given that he is stronger and more built than him.

  
  


“Please what baby?" He asks quirking an eyebrow.

  
  


“Please touch me….” Taeyong's hooded gaze riles him up too much.  _ Fuck! _

  
  


Removing his pants and briefs in one go, Jaehyun finally gets to really see him and he looks very much in every essence of the word 'dream'. Taeyong in the nude is his wet dream. He sees Taeyong's cock twitching slightly from the sudden exposure so he wraps his fingers around it, stroking it from the base and applying the slightest pressure as he reaches the tip. 

  
  


"Jae….fuck….it feels so good." Jaehyun leans over Taeyong as he kisses him roughly and pumps him at the same time. It's filthy and rough with a lot of tongue but neither one of them shies away from the intensity. The sheer force of the pleasure is maddening.

  
  


Until now Jaehyun has only had the memory of the lovely college student he's fucked around with five years ago to fantasize over when he's sexually frustrated. Seeing him right now like this, when he is ten times more beautiful and alluring he deems the five year wait worthwhile. 

  
  


_ God took his sweet time for Taeyong…. _

  
  


Those five years apart have done wonders to their temperament and maturity. It has resulted in major upheavals in both their lives, finally leading up to them acknowledging their feelings for each other.

  
  


He mouths at his neck again, lapping up the sweat that begins trickling down. Mapping a pathway further down he finally comes eye level with Taeyong's throbbing cock. Taeyong doesn't expect him to dive straight for it so his spontaneous reaction is to yelp in surprise. Giving a few kitten licks to the tip, he takes Taeyong like a pro. 

  
  


"Fuck….Jaehyunnie….ahhh.." Taeyong silently cries out as he gently pulls his hair. His eyes are squeezed shut, his neck muscles straining to keep it in as the pleasure intensifies.

  
  


"Baby….look at me…" Jaehyun says letting go of him briefly and demands his attention by rapidly pumping him close to his orgasm. Taeyong has no choice but to pay heed to his every command. And he feels his threshold approaching rapidly as Jaehyun locks eyes with him and deepthroats him in one swift motion. 

  
  


"Jae...hnn….stop. I am gonna come." His mouth hangs open and his eyes roll back into their sockets as he feels the tension in his lower abdomen tighten. His cock spurts out more precome as he writhes and begs for Jaehyun to stop. A few more licks follow before he is let go. 

  
  


"Taeyong .....I..ugh.." When he descends from his high, he feels Jaehyun's labored breathing against his neck, dry humping his cock through his pants. His arousal is too painful to bear. And so Taeyong takes matters into his own hands, quite literally. He makes him lie down flat on his bed and unties the drawstrings of his pants, sliding them down Jaehyun's legs. Jaehyun's cock is painfully red and hard, leaking precome all over. And It's gotten so sensitive that Taeyong's mere breath on it makes it twitch, sending mind numbing pleasure through Jaehyun's entire body.

  
  


"Baby ....fuck…..Tae please do something!" He whines. Taeyong remembers Jaehyun to be quite impatient when he is horny. When they used to fool around in the dorms, he would take advantage of it for his own amusement. It's quite endearing to see it again years later. How he whines through his nose. How his eyebrows would furrow in frustration. He decides to put him out of his misery.

  
  


He takes him into his mouth, sucking and licking him till Jaehyun sees stars exploding behind his eyelids. 

  
  


"Oh...Tae! Yes…..fuck yes…" His breaths become awfully shallow as his hips drive his cock further down Taeyong's throat, choking him. Taeyong takes him out for a short few seconds as he pumps and strokes his spit slick cock. Jaehyun feels his orgasm approaching so he stops Taeyong midway. He gets up in a kneeling position on the bed, holding Taeyong's body close to his and rains little kisses on his face.

  
  


"Baby …..I wanna fuck you. Please Tae let me fuck you." His plea doesn't go unheard as Taeyong wordlessly eyes the bedside drawer that has the condom and lube. Jaehyun flips them so he has Taeyong underneath. He pours a generous amount of the cool liquid, smearing it all over his fingers and teases his index finger against the rim. He watches Taeyong arch off the bed as his finger gradually plunges into his hole.

  
  


"So good….baby.." He murmurs as he adds another finger. Taeyong squirms for some kind of relief from the sudden intrusion so he moves his hips of his own accord. It isn't until Jaehyun switches up the angle that Taeyong screams from the sudden spike in pleasure. He squeals as he is edged for the second time and not let to come.

  
  


"Jae...ahh...come on. Please….please fuck me!" Jaehyun gladly complies. Taeyong takes him in so good that Jaehyun fears he'd come in a short few thrusts. 

  
  


"You feel so good Tae….mhmm….so fucking good" Jaehyun hovers over Taeyong as he snaps his hips against him, thrusting deeper and deeper as he goes while Taeyong locks him tight in between his legs. Taeyong moans his name over and over again as the pressure on his lower abdomen builds signalling his climax.

  
  


"Jaehy...baby ….harder." He pulls Taeyong's legs over his shoulder for an even better angle and plants his knees firmly on the bed, driving his cock in deeper. At a certain thrust, Taeyong moans louder and clenches around him. He clutches at the sheets and Jaehyun takes it as a fair warning to stroke him as he fucks him harder.

  
  


"Come for me….Taeyongie…" he urges him.

  
  


"Jaehyun…..ahhhh...I...I'm coming." His cock spurts ropes of come over his own torso and some on Jaehyun's abdomen as well. Taeyong looks like sin personified as he comes down from his high. He is drenched in sweat, flushed from head to toe and breathing heavily and it drives Jaehyun absolutely nuts. 

  
  


"Tae baby….hnn…." His stomach clenches for the last time before he fills up the condom while still buried inside the tight warmth. His body spasms as pleasure hits him in waves and he all but crashes on top of a spent Taeyong, taking his own sweet time to recover his fried senses.

  
  


"Jaehyunnie….mhmm….get up. I can't breathe!" Taeyong gently taps his back to which Jaehyun grunts in distaste and wraps him tighter with his whole body.

  
  


"You're gonna choke me to death at this rate! Come on big guy." He slaps a bit harder on his back and that has Jaehyun sliding off him and disposing of the condom. Taeyong scrunches his nose as he sees the mess on both their tummies.

  
  


"Way to ruin my moment!" He says.

  
  


"Come on...we're both gross. You can't expect me to….hey! That's my favorite pyjamas!" He sees Jaehyun shuffling to his feet, picking up Taeyong's discarded pyjama top off the floor and wiping off the come and sweat.

  
  


"There! All done!" He bounces back on the bed taking Taeyong in his arms and pulls the duvet over both of them.

  
  


"You can't be serious! I need a shower Jae." His weak attempts to extricate himself diminish as Jaehyun silences him with a kiss on his lips. 

  
  


"You need a nice long nap. End of discussion." He says with finality. Taeyong has no choice but to go with his decision for now. He can only do so much when his body is engulfed in a pleasant blanket of warmth. For the first time since Kai's passing, Taeyong doesn't wait for sleep to overtake him.

  
  


It's the last day of their vacation, not many more days left before he resumes work and Jaehyun is absolutely devastated to leave Taeyong here. Now that he's got him back, hopefully for good this time around, he is not willing to spend even a second of his life without him. He wakes up with a head full of thoughts and an arm that's gone numb from Taeyong's head resting on it throughout the night. Taeyong is still sleeping soundly, his upper half draped over Jaehyun. 

  
  


To Jaehyun though, it feels like a fever dream. What happened last night. They were celebrating his birthday with an exquisite dinner made by Taeyong and a birthday cake and the next thing he knows is him confessing his love to Taeyong which was apparently reciprocated which in turn led to the most mindblowing sex of his life. And all this happened during his birthday? On Valentine's day? Seriously what were the odds?

  
  


He turns slightly looking at the sleeping beauty laying beside him and he just….can't breathe anymore. He looks so peaceful and serene and beautiful and fuck….Jaehyun is losing his mind just thinking about the fact that he is finally his after five long years of pining. Jaehyun admires every delicate feature that makes up his pretty face, from the forehead to his eyelashes to his sharp nose to his pretty cupid's bow to his blushy cheeks to his pink lips, everything, as if he's seeing an oasis for the first time in the middle of a parched desert. He delicately traces his fingers across them to feel them himself, afraid that he's just a mirage. No more than a figment of his imagination.

  
  


And as much as Jaehyun wants to keep his eyes glued to the sleeping figure, his arm desperately screams for his attention to regain its sense of touch. So he delicately extracts it from under Taeyong's head trying his utmost not to jostle him. However Taeyong whines loudly from the sudden change in position and wakes up.

  
  


"Hey…. Good morning." He says, Taeyong's senses, still a bit groggy from being woken up so suddenly, take a while before he takes stock of his surroundings and responds to Jaehyun with a sleepy smile. He looks adorably like a kitten with his bed hair and his flushed skin.

  
  


"Good morning. Slept well?" He doesn't get up. Instead he wraps an arm around Jaehyun and nuzzles his head further into the crook of his neck. And Jaehyun's heart soars at the fact that he gets to experience what he's literally seen and felt only in his dreams.

  
  


"Mhmm. I wish I could say I did but I can't feel my arms at all, baby." He chuckles when Taeyong sits straight up and apologizes.

  
  


"Hey hey…..I was just kidding. Ow...oww….hey stop that!" Taeyong hits his chest quite forcefully for tricking him.

  
  


"Jerk." He continues his assault and stops only when Jaehyun catches both his arms in his and flips them over on the bed, the duvet falling off their bodies. While Jaehyun doesn't mind the indecent exposure, Taeyong's self conscious mind prompts him to protect his modesty.

  
  


"You do realize we've pretty much seen each other buck naked last night right?" He smirks as Taeyong tries to cover himself with a corner of the duvet as best as he can. Jaehyun kisses him trying to distract him enough to remove it from his grasp and he is ecstatic when he succeeds. Slowly he coaxes his mouth open and shoves his tongue inside deepening the kiss.

  
  


"Jae...mhmm...we need to stop." He says in between kisses. However Jaehyun doesn't show any signs of stopping as he bites and pulls his lower lip between his teeth.

  
  


"But baby….uhhh…..you turn me on so much with your sexy body…" The hickeys on his neck are barely healing but Jaehyun decides to bestow new ones and Taeyong is totally powerless against it. Soon he is panting for breath and grappling for the sheets again as Jaehyun humps his hard on with his own.

  
  


“I’m still...uhhh...sore from last night..” His voice is so weak it’s reduced to a whisper.

  
  


“I’ll be gentle….very very gentle. I promise!”  _ Talk about being persuasive!  _ Taeyong rolls his eyes.

  
  


"Fine…..mhmm….but make it quick. I have to…ahhh...shower you horn dog!" 

  
  


Jaehyun whines but eventually agrees for a quickie. Holding Taeyong's body close to his, he slides his cock quite easily into the wet warmth and as promised he fucks him nice and slow. It’s so very gentle that Taeyong yawns midway looking at how Jaehyun is really pushing it for him first thing in the morning.

  
  


“God this is making me sleepy again! Can’t you go any faster? This is called a ‘quickie’ for a reason, ya know!” Jaehyun gawks at him in disbelief.

  
  


“It’s either hard and fast or slow and gentle. Make up your damn fucking mind!” He replies with surprising patience while Taeyong snickers at his reaction. When Taeyong demands him to go harder, he picks up the pace. Soon enough his hips stutter as his thrusts become erratic. He pulls out in a hurry as he reaches his limit and comes all over Taeyong's tummy. Taeyong follows soon after as Jaehyun pumps his cock, coming in short spurts.

  
  


"Now I really need that shower." Even though his bones have turned into jelly by now due to that impromptu quickie, Taeyong gets up and saunters into the bathroom while Jaehyun asks him if he can join in.

  
  


"We both know you ain't  _ just _ gonna take a shower." Taeyong says and closes the door to the bathroom while Jaehyun slumps in defeat.

  
  


After taking separate showers, they have breakfast in a cafe nearby. While Jaehyun orders an Americano to go with his breakfast bagel and sunny side up, Taeyong orders a strawberry milkshake and pancakes with a generous dusting of icing sugar, blueberries and syrup. Jaehyun is at a loss for words. Just looking at Taeyong's choice of breakfast is giving him diabetes.

  
  


"Should I be worried about your daily sugar intake?" He asks as he takes a bite of the bagel.

  
  


"As long as I don't go batshit crazy from sugar rush, we're all good!" Taeyong dismisses with a wave of his hand. As he forks a piece of the pancake into his mouth, Jaehyun observes something, something that’s not there. A few seconds later, as he focuses on Taeyong’s bare ring finger he chokes on his coffee and pulls Taeyong’s hand towards him.

  
  


“Hey if you wanted a piece of my pancake so bad, all you had to do was ask!”

  
  


“What the hell happened? Did you lose your ring?” He bombards without letting go of Taeyong’s hand.

  
  


“Whoa! Calm down. I didn’t lose it. I just….decided not to wear it anymore.” Jaehyun has a puzzled expression on his face as Taeyong says this. 

  
  


“Why?” Jaehyun asks and Taeyong just stares at him dumbfounded. At times like this he wonders just how Jaehyun completed his post graduation with top honors to boot. So he just wordlessly smacks his head.

  
  


“Owwww…..what gives?”

  
  


“You deserved that.”

  
  


“Why? Tell me what I did wrong?”

  
  


“You seriously want me to wear something that would remind me of my late husband while I’m in love with you? Do you always just think with your dick?” 

  
  


_ Oh….Ohhhhh! Fuck! _

  
  


“You’re such a jerk Jung Jaehyun!” Taeyong scoffs as he finishes his milkshake.  _ What the heck! He just insulted me! _

  
  


"Hey I am sorry ok. I didn't know you had such sentiments. What am I supposed to think when I suddenly don't find you wearing it?" Taeyong watches him quietly, his expression suddenly turning mellow. 

  
  


"And besides you and I….like….uhh...it's not been long since we got together. We literally just confessed last night. And honestly I didn't think you'd be ready to let go of your feelings for Kai yet." Jaehyun's genuine feelings melt Taeyong's heart. All along he's been bottling up his emotions fearing for Taeyong's comfort. All along he's been suppressing his thoughts because he was afraid of offending him and he didn't want to repeat the mistakes he'd committed because he didn't want to lose Taeyong for the second time.

  
  


"Baby.....look at me." Taeyong urges him by placing his hand on top of Jaehyun's.

  
  


"If I gotta be honest, I'd been thinking about a lot of things since I met you that day at the park. And I wondered if I did move on from you all those years ago after all. Even when I was happily married to Kai, I guess there was a part of me that still loved you. I don't know. Call me pathetic but I used to wonder about you sometimes." Taeyong confesses. He sees Jaehyun begin to deny his claims but he silences him by continuing still.

  
  


"I loved Kai and I still do. He was the most beautiful part of my life….until you happened. I was pretty much a shell of a person after he died. If it weren't for you, I'd still be holed up in my apartment. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have got some of my closest friends back in my life. I wouldn't have enjoyed living as much as I had in the past week. I had been thinking about relinquishing the one thing that connected me to Kai ever since you helped me through my worst breakdown that day during Johnny's bachelor's party. So yes Jaehyun, you gave me the courage to truly move on. And I can't thank you enough for that."

  
  


Jaehyun is rendered speechless. Even though he and Kai barely spoke to each other and were always at loggerheads with each other, he couldn't fathom the news of his death when Taeyong broke it to him. So he was a bit apprehensive about Taeyong's feelings. Even though Taeyong did confess with his whole heart, he had to make sure that what he feels for him is genuine and just wasn't due to a spur of the moment.

  
  


But right now after listening to Taeyong, he is reassured and his heart is at ease.

  
  


"Taeyong...you don't need to thank me for anything. As you said, I just gave you a push but you did all the work. And I am proud of you for that." Taeyong's eyes tear up slightly as he listens to him. He feels he couldn't be luckier to have found love again.

  
  


"From now on I'll be right beside you, to catch you when you fall. You don't have to be alone anymore." His fingers hold his tight. And it conveys exactly how passionate their love is for each other.

  
  


The paperwork for the ownership of his grandmother's villa gets processed quite smoothly and Jaehyun officially becomes the caretaker as per her wishes. With renewed spirits and healed souls, they return to Seoul the next day. Johnny and Ten are currently on their honeymoon but they come to know of their recent developments through a video chat one day. Doyoung throws tantrums in the beginning for not letting him know earlier but congratulates them anyway. 

  
  


A week later as Jaehyun mentally prepares himself to leave for Virginia, Taeyong texts him to drop by. It’s so sudden that it worries him. However, his worry gets knocked out of the park the moment the door opens revealing a black haired siren smirking at him. No amount of preparatory rituals could have ever given him the strength or courage to see Taeyong's lethal looks as he drops by his house that evening. They're lethal enough to paralyze Jaehyun as he stays rooted on Taeyong's doorstep.

  
  


"Come inside funny man….before I shut the door in your face." Jaehyun scrambles behind him but is still speechless over Taeyong's recent makeover.

  
  


"Since you've obviously gone mute for now. I'll come out and say that I wanted to colour my hair black because my roots started to show." He pulls Jaehyun by the hand, making him sit on the couch then climbs on his lap, looping his arms around his neck and effectively straddles him. It's safe to say that Jaehyun has died and ascended to heaven at that instant but Taeyong's powerful presence pulls him straight back to earth.

  
  


"Oh also….I wanted you….to fuck me right here and now because I know you wouldn't resist." His voice turns deeper and deeper as he whispers into Jaehyun's ears, which by now are crimson red.  _ Oh please kill me now!  _

  
  


“So I’m being reduced to a booty call now?” He asks sarcastically as Taeyong undulates against him and bites his earlobe.  _ I’m honored!  _ And Jaehyun doesn't dare resist.

  
  


They let their bodies do the talking the entire night. Each time Taeyong grinds on his cock with his eyes rolled back in pleasure, his silky black hair flops around pushing Jaehyun to the edge and brings him to a whole new realm each time.

  
  


"I don't want to go. I don't want to leave you here!" Jaehyun says as he lays in post coital bliss, Taeyong looking equally blissful and sated. Just moments ago they were fighting to decide who gets to be the bigger spoon and well... Taeyong gave up because he is apparently the adult in this relationship.

  
  


"Please be level headed and act like a fucking grown up for once. I don't want to be thrown in jail for dating an actual child like you." Wise words are said today but does Jaehyun care? Not in a million years!

  
  


"I'm the younger one in this relationship, I get an automatic pass." Taeyong rolls his eyes.

  
  


"Two years younger isn't much to brag about peachy boy! Makes me wonder how you ended up in our batch in college. Shouldn't you have been my junior?" He turns to face Jaehyun who has his left arm cushioning Taeyong's head while his right one strokes invisible lines on the arm that's hugging his torso.

  
  


"I skipped a few grades in school. But that's not the point. Why won't you come with me?" He is annoyingly persistent today.

  
  


"I never said I wouldn't come with you! There's just a lot of paperwork that needs clearance. There's Kai's ancestral house in Busan going up for sale. My cousin is coming back from Japan. This time for good. So she is gonna be staying with me until they find a new house of their own. Do you expect me to abandon my responsibilities here and come after you because you say so?" Jaehyun does understand his predicament but it doesn't make it any easier for him to think about being separated from Taeyong. Especially with an obscure timeframe.

  
  


"It's going to be so hard without you baby!" He hugs him tight knowing these are probably the last few hours with Taeyong in his arms.

  
  


"I know! I don't wanna be here without you. I'll try my best to settle everything in two months, I promise!" And two months is all it takes for their lives to change. Jaehyun comes back to Seoul for a short visit where they both decide to let each other's families in on their relationship.

  
  


Jaehyun's family has been fond of Taeyong ever since their days together in college. They had always expressed their desire for their son to settle down with someone as pretty and well put together as Taeyong and now they couldn't be happier. Taeyong's family though, is a little hard to please. They have their own reservations of entrusting their son, who's lost his dear husband no less than three years ago, to someone he's spent hardly two months with. And Jaehyun perfectly understands where they're coming from.

  
  


"Taeyong and I have been talking about whether or not we would end up marrying each other. And I one hundred percent, without a doubt, give you my word for it. Having said that, I feel like giving him some time to ease into a life with me right now. We both love each other enough to understand and respect each other's wishes. So we're not in a hurry to get hitched as of now." Taeyong who is sitting beside him on the couch tightens his grip on his hands as he says this. He feels like he couldn't have worded it better than this. Taeyong's mother looks like she could be swayed if he keeps this up. However Taeyong's dad is a whole different story. He swears just one look in his direction could make him piss his pants.

  
  


"I am not trying to deny him of the things he holds dear here. But as someone who wishes for nothing but the best for him, I would like to take him with me to Virginia where both he and his career can flourish." Taeyong's father clears his throat before speaking.

  
  


"In other words, you're separating him from his family."  _ How on earth did he get to that conclusion? _

  
  


"It's just temporary. Meanwhile I am thinking of coming back permanently to look after my father's business. Taeyong can gain some exposure in his line of profession and become qualified enough to head his own team of game developers. Doesn't that sound promising?" Taeyong's dad merely cocks an eyebrow at him, still refusing to properly look at him. The ball is in his court now.

  
  


"Dad I really love Jaehyun and I have healed and moved on. Please don't shun us." Taeyong says and his dad's face softens in an instant.  _ Ah the legendary puppy dog face strikes again! _

  
  


"Do as you wish. In the end, your happiness matters the most." Jaehyun's eyes open wide in surprise. Taeyong's dad's face turns pleasant for a few seconds before he steels himself and focuses on Jaehyun.

  
  


"Please take care of my son." In a moment of reckless eyeballing, Jaehyun almost slips when he hears him say those few words while bowing down to him.

  
  


“Please sir. Ahh this is embarrassing! I am duty bound to take care of your son. I promise to make him the happiest man.”

  
  


“I am counting on you.” With a pat on his back, Taeyong’s dad gives his blessings. Jaehyun couldn’t be more spellbound at the development. He never thought in a million years that he’d end up with Taeyong and now that he’s received his parents’ acceptance, Jaehyun feels like he can do just about anything.

  
  


“I need you to come with me.” Taeyong says as they exit his house.

  
  


“Where?”

  
  


“To go see him.” They buy flowers on the way to the churchyard where Kai was put to rest. Taeyong pulls a reluctant Jaehyun with him as well. From the surface, he can only see calmness in Taeyong's face, a strange sort of serenity that makes him anxious. Taeyong lays flowers on his grave and kneels down while Jaehyun stands beside him.

  
  


"Kai-ya annyeong. Sorry I couldn't come visit you often." He starts.

  
  


"I...uhh...don't quite know how to say this but ….I found love again. I found happiness again after losing myself to darkness all those years ago." 

  
  


"Jaehyun makes me happy and I hope that makes you happy too, seeing me happy that is."

  
  


"I've decided to donate our wedding rings to charity, just doing something good as you'd always wished. And...I..am heading to Virginia with Jaehyun tomorrow." Jaehyun kneels down squeezing his shoulders, mouthing silent words of encouragement.

  
  


"Just….know that I miss you and I love you." A lone tear escapes his eyes as he says his farewell to the man who loved and was loved by everyone around him. Jaehyun kisses his temple and says "You did great sweetheart."

  
  


"Let's go."

  
  


The ride back home is surprisingly cheerful. Jaehyun thought about giving Taeyong some space to gather himself after going through an emotional parting from his late husband but seeing Taeyong bounce back almost immediately has him feeling warm and reassured. He sees the shiny pair eyes shine even brighter as he rambles on about travelling overseas for the first time. His voice has a certain lilt to it that Jaehyun craves to listen to it more.

  
  


"What's with you?" Taeyong asks in the middle.

  
  


"You have a dopey expression on your face." He adds with a giggle.

  
  


"Oh it's nothing. My mind is kinda scrambled from everything that happened today. And I mean a loooot happened today." Jaehyun says as he keeps his eyes on the road ahead. Taeyong snickers out of nowhere and that catches Jaehyun's attention.

  
  


"What's so funny?" He asks.

  
  


"Oh...it's nothing." Jaehyun doesn't settle for that.

  
  


"Come on. Tell me!" He urges.

  
  


" 'I am duty bound to take care of your son' what was that?" Taeyong imitates in his voice and then proceeds to laugh with his whole chest until tears leak out of his eyes. Jaehyun flushes to the tips of his ears as he is reminded of his promise to Taeyong's dad. Listening to Taeyong say it just makes it sound ten times more corny that he wants to shrivel up and die from embarrassment. Uhh he is never gonna live this down!

  
  


"What...are you going to war or something?" He pokes fun at him.

  
  


"Hey! In my defense, your dad was giving me a hard time. I mean what's with that face? Even a piece of rock could emote better than him." 

  
  


"You do realize that I take after my dad so you're indirectly insulting me too?" 

  
  


"I am not insulting anyone...I am just saying that I had to do it with guns blazing because I couldn't possibly leave room for any regrets." He admits and Taeyong is very much impressed. 

  
  


"Besides I don't get how you have any right to mock me! You barely had to bat an eyelash and bam….my folks are putty in your hands." Taeyong wheezes at his jibe.

  
  


"That's called talent." He says haughtily.

  
  


"Nah….that's just my parents being angels." A resounding smack echoes within the car's interior a second later. They arrive at Jaehyun's apartment and Jaehyun slumps on the couch from exhaustion.

  
  


"Awwww….my baby is tired. I'll whip up something good for dinner." As Taeyong is about to get up, he is pulled down onto a sturdy lap and kissed to oblivion. It's lewd. It's dirty with their tongues delving into each others' mouths, exploring. Prodding.

  
  


"One order of an extremely ravishing Lee Taeyong please." He murmurs as the sudden buildup of heat prompts them both to grind shamelessly against each other. Something flashes in Taeyong's eyes. It's animalistic. Threatening but mesmerizing. 

  
  


"Coming right up...sir" Jaehyun's dick responds rather eagerly at the mention of the last word and that doesn't go unfelt by Taeyong who is sitting literally on top.

  
  


"Ooohhhh! Mhmm someone is excited!" He removes the buttons of his shirt painfully slow, teasing the younger male with every bit of skin that gets exposed. Jaehyun's mouth waters and he keenly latches on to his neck, sucking and biting, littering red blotches and watches Taeyong squirm for comfort.

  
  


"God...baby...I can't take it anymore." He says impatiently.

  
  


"Take me to bed dimple boy." His request doesn't go unheard as Jaehyun props him up in his arms and takes him to bed. He declares his undying love over and over all night, worships Taeyong with kisses and holds him as if he's afraid he'll disappear if he lets go of him. However it's Taeyong's touches and fond gazes that reassure him that he's here to stay. That they're meant to be. That their love was meant to be.

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Umm...so I wrote this mammoth one-shot.
> 
> I know this is a classic trope but I had to give it a color of my own. This took an immense toll on me you guys, you have no idea!
> 
> Having said that I don't think I will be writing smut anytime soon but do hmu if you want a follow up of some kind....I'm all ears for it if you guys would comment below.
> 
> Please leave a comment or two on what you guys thought of this one, whether there's room for improvement...anything!
> 
> Happy reading and I'll see you guys soon!


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